"The Past and Pending"

"Oh, Inverted World
if every moment of our lives were cradled softly in the hands of some strange and gentle child
i'd not roll my eyes so." 

The Shins "One By One All Day"

I'm listening to the Shins this morning and trying to drum up some positivity and apply it to my personal life. I'm feeling like a 20 year old again. I'm feeling like I'm going through a break up and the only cure is more coffee and even more obscure tragic songs I listened to in 2004. I'm annoying myself. Accentuate the positive. Look for the silver lining. Be the tree. I never thought I'd be telling myself these things and getting teary reading inspirational quotes after 6 p.m. We're trying. I'm really trying.

When I was romantically living on my own in Chicago taking unrealistically-expensive fiction writing classes, this dude titled all of his stories after Shins song titles. He wrote one about "Kissing the Lipless" where a diner waiter meets this girl that has a scarf over her face and he's in love with the scarfed mouth until he tries to kiss her and finds out she doesn't have any lips and it's weird. It was such a weird thing to be affected by, but I was always tragically affected by everything. I had so much TIME to be affected and analyze weird looks from strangers and bizarre weather patterns and overheard conversations. Tragically anxious, tragically lonely, tragically in love.

I've never had this much alone time away from Paul until now. I kind of feel like I'm living alone again and my boyfriend visits on the weekends. And I have a choice to either be really whiney and cry about this like I have been for the past week or see it as a chance to write again, see my dad more, learn calligraphy via the how-to kit Paul got me for Christmas, feel affected by something that doesn't make me annoyed with myself and figure this stupid dinner thing out before I either starve to death or go up 8 pant sizes and blame it on Rally Burgers. But I will not work more. I refuse to let work fill up my free time in a really dysfunctional way.

The Upcoming Dinner Week
Monday: Eat leftovers from the amazing dinner we are cooking tonight.
Tuesday: Alumni tent dinner @ the UT Football game with Pops (football is good for something).
Wednesday: Supper Club!
Thursday: Parker Fogle Time :)
Friday: It's okay to eat a Rally Burger here.
Saturday: Chicken Nuggets with the best niece and nephew in the universes.
In Between: Suck it up and be grateful about something.
Also: Learn how to get some sleep.
And: If I start describing my feelings using late 90's, early 00 indie band lyrics, please host an intervention.

"This is way beyond my remote concern
Of being condescending
All these squawking birds won't quit
Building nothing, laying bricks"

The Shins "Caring is Creepy"

(That's the last one, I swear.....)